I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
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