I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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