but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
