youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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