I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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