Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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