I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
