I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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