Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
