Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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