This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I smell like Dick and happiness
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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