I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
