I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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