just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
