Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
