your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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