she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize