my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
