you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
