I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
