if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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