Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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