im having a threesome with these popsicles
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
