You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
