I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize