I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Found the puke drawer
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
