I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
