Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
