During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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