Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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