If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
