I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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