the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
