We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
