This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Two words: nipple clamps
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