I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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