i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
