I cockslap morals
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I love you. Go after that dick
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