Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
