Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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