is wine microwaveable?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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