Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I think your dad took our porno
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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