Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
