If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
