i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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