I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize