youre lurking in front of me
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
