No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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