I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Randomize
