Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
