Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize