I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
