They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
