It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
