If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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