This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
