so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
