I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
