Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
