super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
foreskin is a definite game changer
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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