As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I want a musical about memes.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
