Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
