and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
