we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
