what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
