Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
