youre lurking in front of me
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Randomize
