I wish I could punch you in the face.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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