i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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