My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
A bitchslap is in order.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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