I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
