no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
