Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
