That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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