I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
