Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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